This week I worked with a wonderful child who kept getting sent to time-out at school for pushing and shoving other children. He is a small boy, compared with his peers. His classmates tend to take his crayons and art supplies which gives him SUPERSIZED mad feelings. When we spoke of all he could do besides push when others take his things he explained, “My teacher says ‘use your words,’ but I can’t find any.”
This little boy, let’s call him Joey, reached into The Space Between himself and the other children, when things went wrong and found nothing. No new thoughts, words, feelings or actions. So we drew this super cool picture.
Now Joey has a way to draw out what he thinks and feels about a social situation. He can then write what he usually does and how he can transform his thoughts and feelings into new actions.
There are no new skills for Joey to find in time-out. But with a little exploration of what he thought and how he felt, he now has the freedom and opportunity to choose new behaviors.
We filled the SPACE BETWEEN him and the other child with many new sentences.
“I am playing with this please choose something else.”
“I am drawing with the blue and yellow crayons, you can use the red and green ones.”
“I know you want the purple pencil, let me finish coloring this circle and I will lend it to you.”
We also filled the SPACE BETWEEN with new actions.
“If you keep taking my crayons, I will move to a new workspace.”
“When you take my stuff, it supersizes my mad feelings, please go play something else so I can stay happy and calm.”
Time-out is not a space of resolution, new skills and calming.
Time-out is a place children go to learn they are not in control. You can help the children in your home and classroom be more skillful by offering them new words and actions to use when things get tough. Kids can only “use their words” if they have some. Most kids don’t have the social language, it’s our role as parents to teach them the words to use and the actions to choose in order to solve difficult social interactions. #Time-In provides the new thoughts, words, feelings and actions.
Print out our #Time-In printable and explore social situations with your kiddos. Then let us know what you all discovered. Tweetpic me @drlynnekenney.
#Time-In ’cause if time-out worked, you’d only have to use it once. Wendy Young, Kidlutions, Ava Parnass, Listen to me please.
We are filling up our speaking calendar for 2013, teaching parents and teachers how to use over 100 #Time-In strategies to stay out of time-out. Complete the speaker form if your school is ready for a transformation.
What if Joey’s teacher won’t let him get up and change workspaces when other kids take his crayons?
Lynne what a beautiful poignant post! Thanks for the mention! That boy is so lucky you were able to help him.
Love the speaker form and printable:)
Good point. When we collaborate with teachers a head of time and the teachers actually start teaching the strategies, movement is seen as less problematic and more a part of the social flow. When we change our mindset to raising more skillful kids not just managing and controlling them, classrooms will have more thoughtful moments of social interaction. I was in a classroom this am, where the children were even offering each other social solutions. Ultimately this makes it easier on the teachers, because they have a classroom of social problem solvers.