Help Children Develop Positive Thinking #Free Printables

Recently I was talking with a mum who said her child is “persistently negative” in his thinking. “He tells me the teacher hates him, his friends are mean to him and he is in a lot of pain. How can I help him?” Getting at the heart of what pains your child involves helping exploring how your child thinks, feels and behaves. Some children are born more optimistic than others, but we can build optimism with practice.

How to talk with your children about what they think and feel in a manner that helps them open up and not close down is a big discussion that is addressed in The Family Coach Method. The key is to develop trust with your children so that they know you will explore their life experiences with introspection and solution-generation not judgement.

One specific aspect of helping children feel better about themselves is to aide them in developing positive thinking. How we perceive and think about life experiences impacts how we feel as well as our health. If your child’s brain goes naturally to the negative, you’ll need to open up new neuronal pathways for more positive thinking. This takes, writing, talking, movement, drawing and more.

The best way I think to help your child to think more positively is to get a playground ball and bounce it back and forth between the two of you. Talk in a slow and easy manner about  your child’s concerns. Ask open-ended questions. If your child cannot put the experiences into words, offer your ideas and ask, “Am I getting this right?”

“It seems like something is on your mind.”

“Shall we talk about it?”

“How are the kids treating one another at school?”

“What do the kids do that is kind to one another?”

“What do you see when people being mean.”

“How would you like things to be different?”

As your child starts to explore his thoughts and feelings ask him if he’s open to “drawing it out.” Sit down at your kitchen table and begin with a simple exercise.

1. Draw a line down the middle of one 8.5 x 11 in piece of paper.

2. On the left-hand side write Negative Thoughts.

3. On the right-hand side write Positive Thoughts.

4. Tell your son, how we think about what happens to us impacts how we feel.

5. Ask him to write (or you write) the negative thoughts on the left, then transform the thoughts into positive thoughts, often including how to take action on the right.

6. Then, make a plan to take action on just one negative thought. “What will you do about…” “What’s our plan for…” “What will you say to your teacher today?” “How will you choose and approach a new friend?”

Try not to argue with your child about his thoughts, he has a right to them. Just help him see that he is in control of what he thinks and he can see things with more hope when he knows how to improve difficult social and academic situations.  Here are two #FREE printables. Click on them to enlarge and print.

Positive Thinking #1Positive Thinking #2

Share these with your school, counselors, family and more. Together we can help children develop the positive thinking skills needed to enhance their lives. The work of Dr. Martin Seligman and Dr. Robert Brooks are also worth a peek.

National Nanny Training Day: Play Math

NND GraphicYesterday was national nanny training day. I love nannies and have been working with them for over 10 years, ever since I met the inimitable Michelle LaRowe, author of four parenting books, mum to two and professional nanny.

This year Beth Weise of A Caring Nanny invited me to speak with 40 nannies in Arizona as part of the day-long celebration and training event.  As you know, usually I speak with nannies and clinicians about behavior, specifically how to provide children the skills they need to be competent not just compliant. But this year we Played Math! My friend and math mentor Berkeley brought the event to life. Thank you to Berkeley and her mum.

Math is Hard

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. I promised the nannies I would share the entire Play Math Method, here it is, just click on the link to download. It’s FREE! Together, we can change the trajectory of children’s math development.

CLICK GREEN LINK BELOW TO DOWNLOAD PLAY MATH METHOD

Motor Math For Parents and Teachers Jan 1 2013

2. Here are the math posts about which I spoke:

PLAY MATH OVERVIEW

WHY MUST I LEARN ALGEBRA

WHY YOUR CHILD HAS TROUBLE W MATH and WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

Thank you for caring enough for children to help shift education away from sitting at desks doing worksheets, to learning math fact families and factors with brain-based movement.

3. Thank you Beth and the crew, I loved meeting Jan, Jenny, Diane, Mary Alice and more. A warm thank you to Cheryl McCarthy for creating the slide show and to Gill Connell for introducing me to Cheryl, very fine women.

4. A few of you asked about my brain and behavior trainings, I do them nationally for PESI, they are 6 hrs long and the next one is May 1-3, 2013 in Phoenix, click here for the brochure.

5. For those of you who said you wish to read The Family Coach Method, on Kindle you can read it in a day.

For more on the world of nannies visit INA.

You are more beautiful than you think…inside and out

Timing is always amazing.

Yesterday morning, I had been reflecting on the myriad of teens who tell me, “I am too fat.” “My friends don’t like me.” “I wish I had blue eyes.” All the while, I am thinking, “You are bright, beautiful and compassionate.” But the key is not what I think, it is how I help the teens come to view themselves.

Your beauty is not only on the outside, it’s on the inside. It’s the “who you are” not the “what you think you look like.”

What makes you feel passionately?
What’s one thing you do well?
If you were going to make a difference in the world, specifically, what would you do?
Tomorrow when you walk into school bold and powerful, how will you use your strength for good?

So we talk…Through narrative exploration kids/teens can garner a new perspective of themselves, one that is powerful, meaningful and smart. Teens these days need our support in recognition of their unique talents, gifts and skills. As my husband says, “We need to lift them up, not chew them out.”

After I made this:

Justthewayur

I watched this….

I heard myself telling a teen who was recently bullied, “You are such a good critical thinker, you choose not to be swayed by the crowd.” My heart was thinking, “I love you just the way you are.”

When you interact with your teens, embrace them for who they are. Be thoughtful in what you tell them about themselves, they carry your words to adulthood and beyond.

Helping Kids Do Daily Tasks: See It Say It and Draw It Before You Do It

See It Say It and Draw It Before You Do It

Most of us think of tasks of everyday living like cleaning the dishes, folding the laundry or cleaning ones room,  in order from beginning to end. First, we do “this.” Then next we do “that.” This is helpful for children who think linearly, are able to remember and execute tasks in order and for those children who are supported by visual and verbal cuing (picture schedules, routine lists, and helpful parents).

But for many children developing routines with “The End In Mind,” as Stephen Covey says, is more effective. Covey explains in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, that many people need to see or visualize what task completion looks like before they can execute it. “It is based on the principle that all things are created twice. There is a mental (first) creation, and a physical (second) creation. The physical creation follows the mental, just as a building follows a blueprint.”

National speaker and speech therapist Sarah Ward, M.S. CCC-SLP echoed this sentiment, “Non-verbal memory, precedes verbal memory, so often children need to imagine what they will do before they can talk about it, then execute the vision.” (Presentation Lexis Preparatory School, Scottsdale, Arizona January 17, 2013)

This is why we use story telling, drawing and verbalizing to help children imagine, talk about, plan and execute routines.

We call the simple technique we use with children, “Draw It Out.” This is a planning technique that involves drawing three boxes (horizontally) and telling the story of the activity, task or routine. The three boxes represent the beginning, middle and end of any task or activity. Then we talk with the children about what they “imagine” or “see” they will need to do to get from “Here” (the beginning) to “There” (the end). CLICK ON IMAGE TO ENLARGE AND PRINT.

Draw it out

If you have the children label the drawing something like “Clean My Room,” you can then start drawing in box three (the end) using the following conversation starters to get the child thinking.

“What will we see, when your room is clean?”

“What does a clean room look like?”

“What will the bed be like?”

“What will the floor look like?”

“What will someone see when they walk into the room?”

“Where will all the books be?”

“Where will your clothing be?”

“What will be on the chair?”

“What will be on the dresser?”

“What will be sitting on the floor?”

“What will be hanging in the closets?”

“How will we know when the room is clean?”

Once the child has a label for the activity and three boxes in front of them to draw about and imagine what it will take to do the activity, in this example, clean one’s room, the child, tween or teen has more opportunity for success.  He can see it, say it, imagine it, plan it and do it.

Remember, for many of our children tackling something like the morning routine, homework or tasks of daily living like cleaning your room feel HUGE and overwhelming. When we break down those tasks into parts (chunks) and we imagine what it will look and feel like (what will you see, how will you feel) to accomplish the task, kids feel less defensive, afraid, frustrated or angry.

You can help your child, tween or teen develop an image of what they are trying to attain, by exploring the “Who, What, When, Where and How” of what is needed to “Get There.”

WHO

“Who will help you clean your room?”

“Will you do it on your own?”

“Do you want me to help?”

“Do you want Victoria (child’s friend) to help?”

WHAT

“What will you need to get from here to there?”

“What cleaning supplies will you need to clean your room?”

“What will you need to hang your clothes up in your closet?”

“What will you put where?”

“What is your plan for keeping your room clean?”

WHEN

“When will you clean your room?”

“What time and day will you tackle what parts of cleaning your room?”

“Will you break-down cleaning your room into chunks? Like throwing away old wrappers, food and things you no longer need first?”

“When choosing a home for each item, decide where everything lives.”

“Your perfume goes on your dresser, your socks go in the top left drawer, your volleyball shoes go on the bottom shelf in your closet etc.”

WHERE

“Every object needs a home, where will each item’s home be?”

“Where will you put your shoes?”

“Where will you hang your pants?”

HOW

“Let’s draw out, what the beginning, middle and end are for the story, “This is how I clean my room.”

“How will you begin cleaning your room?”

“How will you choose what to keep and what to throw away?”

“How often will you straighten up your room?”

“How will you maintain a clean room?”

When we “back-into” routines, keeping the end in mind, children are able to plan, initiate and execute with more success. Don’t leave your teens out of the process, we know that many college students do not know how to plan and execute a strategy. So this can help the young and old a like. Task accomplishment feels great! Planning, preparing, visualizing, verbalizing, drawing and writing really help. Once your child has the technique down, he/she can make doing any task, “routine.”

You can use the “Draw It Out” technique for any activity or task, homework, job interviews, or buying a new car.  It’s all in the visualizing. This enhances the planning and execution. Happy drawing to you!

Are Our Kids Too Sexy Too Soon?

This Spring Break I took several teens on holiday. I was surprised to see “Fifty Shades of Grey” in one of the teen’s beach bags. Their thong panties were strewn about and several times I heard myself say, “You may wish to wear a shirt over that bra.”  As a mom of teens, I am worried about the music and media messages about sexuality and objectification to which our teens are exposed. Today I learned about the work of author Dr. Diane Levin via @CaseyHinds. Dr. Levin’s book, So Sexy So Soon is worth a read if you too are a concerned parent.

“Thong panties, padded bras, and risqué Halloween costumes for young girls. T-shirts that boast “Chick Magnet” for toddler boys. Sexy content on almost every television channel, as well as in books, movies, video games, and even cartoons. Hot young female pop stars wearing provocative clothing and dancing suggestively while singing songs with sexual and sometimes violent lyrics. These products are marketed aggressively to our children; these stars are held up for our young daughters to emulate–and for our sons to see as objects of desire.

Popular culture and technology inundate our children with an onslaught of mixed messages at earlier ages than ever before. Corporations capitalize on this disturbing trend, and without the emotional sophistication to understand what they are doing and seeing, kids are getting into increasing trouble emotionally and socially; some may even to engage in precocious sexual behavior. Parents are left shaking their heads, wondering: How did this happen? What can we do?

So Sexy So Soon is an invaluable and practical guide for parents who are fed up, confused, and even scared by what their kids–or their kids’ friends–do and say. Diane E. Levin, Ph.D., and Jean Kilbourne, Ed.D., internationally recognized experts in early childhood development and the impact of the media on children and teens, understand that saying no to commercial culture–TV, movies, toys, Internet access, and video games–isn’t a realistic or viable option for most families. Instead, they offer parents essential, age-appropriate strategies to counter the assault.” You may wish to get educated so that you have the tools to raise ethical, competent kids in this sexualized world.

#ADHD #EF Skill Development for Children and Adults #NC Resources

It’s a cool breezy day in North Carolina. I am pleased to be here talking with colleagues about executive function and cognitive-motor interventions for children, teens and adults with ADHD. Thank you warmly to all! I promised you all a few things.

1. Here is the slide show if you wish to download it to view it better. ADHD & EF LINK

2. We review a lot of practical strategies in this day long workshop. Many of the printables can be found on my pinterest.

3. Here is Freedomland from The Family Coach Method. The Family Coach Method is available in book and kindle formats.

4. If you have have families with children ages 3-10. Here is The Family Coach Starter Pack.  I take it to family homes the first day and we start to talk about the family culture, then we build a pond of better behavior in which to fish.  TFCM Starter Pack AUG 2012.

5. Here is a printable to help us teach specific skill sets by scaffolding, chunking and spelling out the discrete parts of the task.

For more explore this blog, you can search topics such as nutrition, ADHD, EF and more on the right hand side of the page.  Have a lovely day!

 

To Teach New #EF #Social-Emotional Skills: Collaborate

Today Dr. David Nowell tweeted The Think Kids: Thinking Skills Inventory created by Dr. Ross Greene and Dr. Stuart Ablon at Massachusetts General Hospital. These doctors have made huge advances in the assessment of social-emotional and behavioral skills. Their approach to data-based skills planning to improve collaborative problem solving is just what schools and families need.

1. Here is a sample page. The pdf is #FREE, another thing I really appreciate about Drs. Greene and Ablon. Download it, print it, and apply it in your home or school.

2. A few of you also asked for my most recent #EF #ADHD Workshop Slides they are here. (Please note the attributions page, many wonderful clinicians have contributed their knowledge and skills to this talk.)

3. For Dr. Greene’s books CLICK here.

Happy collaboration to you!

What? You have 12 children! How do you parent a tribe? Part II

On Parenting a Tribe

Ask me how many children I have. I’ll say, “Are you sitting down?”

It’s not that I think you’ll faint. It’s that I’m trying to prepare your ears for hearing the very large number I’m about to mention. That would be twelve.

You heard right. I have twelve children. There were no multiple births—just eight sons and four daughters, each born approximately two years apart from the last baby.

As magic tricks go, it’s not really magic. It’s more like biology. I’d venture to state, however, that on days I’m coping really well, it is kind of magical—or at the very least: miraculous. Did I mention I work full time as a communications writer for www.kars4kids.org?

Where I live, large families are the norm. That allows me a window on the art of raising an outsized clan. I have observed that large families vary greatly by nature. Some are harried, while others epitomize grace under pressure. Priorities too, differ from household to household.

In some homes, schoolwork tops the list of priorities. A mother or father may not care very much about the appearance of the home. Family members may be hard-pressed to find a clean pair of matching socks when getting dressed for work or for school. The children, however, always pull down top-notch grades.

Here, a choice is made. The parents choose to devote their time to educational pursuits with their children. But of necessity, something has to give, and that is an ordered household. These parents choose grades over order and have found a balance that works for them. To them, mess and chaos might as well be invisible.

At the other end of the spectrum is the large family home that could pass the white glove test. You can eat off the floor. The children, meanwhile, are left to their own devices in terms of their schoolwork. Here the operative standard is that an orderly home leads to sane work habits and academic success.

I watch these two types of households in practice and feel that neither of them really expresses my sensibilities. Order and cleanliness are as important to me as the academic success of my children. I want both.

With some trial and error, I have found my own household balance by applying common sense to personal management decisions. For example, I don’t thrill to the idea of dust kittens under the beds, but I can live with them for the short term. Food preparation surfaces in my kitchen, however, have to be scrupulously clean as do bathrooms.

Spotless laundry is another household task I deem critical. I have always believed in the maxim that clothes make the man (or woman). I want my family to look good. I also want to ensure my family never has to find the least dirty pair of socks in the hamper to put on in the morning. I try never to fall behind with the laundry.

In picking and choosing which household tasks to prioritize, I leave room for helping my children with their homework and spending leisure time with them, too. I may not spend as much time with my kids on their schoolwork as the mother next door, but I don’t see that as a bad thing. I think that kids will learn how to learn given a limited amount of guidance and encouragement. I don’t want to micromanage their learning. I only want to give them good study habits.

In finding workable solutions, I include my relationship with my spouse. To me, this is also part of parenting.  I want my children to see a marriage in good working order. I want them to have easy access to an example of spousal harmony right at home.

I can see where to someone else, all this may seem like just too much management. But it works just fine for us. My house is reasonably neat and my kids are near the top of their classes. I think the main issue in raising a family, whether large or small, is found in discovering the balance that works for you.

Varda Epstein is a mother of 12 children, a blogger, and a communications writer at Kars4Kids, the car donation charity.

What? You have 12 children! How do you parent a tribe? PART I

For the past three years, I have been working with an international writer for whom I have developed a frallegial fondness. Her name is Varda Epstein, she is a writer/editor for parenting/educational editorial content. We have worked on a few educational pieces together and more recently, she became a communications writer for Kars4kids a non-profit that supports children’s education and activities.

Now, a side note. Even though I have the good fortune of traveling in the US and even to Europe to speak about Cognitive-Motor interventions for children with #ADHD, #SPD #OCD etc, write books and Play Math with children, my primary job is mom (actually, chauffeur).

The activity I spend more time doing than anything else at this stage is driving our children and their friends to their preferred activities.  My car usually looks like this.

Even though I only bore two children, there are usually 7 kids in my car. On weekends there are teens strewn on the couch in the upstairs loft.  My husband is a saint. He embraces the chaos but always calls for the scoop, so he can prepare himself,  before he pulls into the drive-way, “Where’s the herd?” Our teens travel as a herd everywhere, our 14 year old is the lead mare. My husband I consider ourselves, wranglers:). We live a happy, sometimes hectic life, for which I have deep gratitude.

So, back to the story (now the context will make some sense). One day Varda and I are passing editorial back and forth and there is a new byline at the bottom. It says, mother of 12. My defensive (limbic) brain thinks in a flash how much it would hurt to bear 12 children, so I rationalize, “Varda, must be a step-mom.” The next email is a direct hit. “Varda, do you really have 12 kids?” “Ah, you noticed,” she replied. Then, like a teenager I required clarification, “Did those 12 children come out of your body?”  “Indeed they did, it’s biology,” Varda quipped. Without hesitation, I asked her, “How do you parent a tribe?”  This is her answer.

 

My Daily Task List – Free Printable

It’s really helpful for you and your children to have daily task lists. For children, five activities they need to accomplish morning, afternoon and evening keeps them apprised of their routines. Here is a printable on which you can put each child’s name at the top. As the parent, you may need 12 boxes (parents are busy) so you can write categories at the top that vary from day to day such as For The Home, For Work, For Play. Click on the image to enlarge and print.

 With gratitude we thank Teresa Belle Designs, clever, smart and fun.