Raining On Your Children
Some of you might have grown up with a “do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do” style of parenting. If so, you may have felt that you couldn’t fully trust the people in charge of your life. When you have grown up with distrust in your primary relationships, sometimes it is difficult to learn a new way of interacting. You may experience moments when your pain rises up, and you react to your children in a manner you later regret. You don’t want to act out on your children – I know you don’t.
This can become a cycle of shame for you and your child if you do not learn to identify what leads up to these thoughts, feelings and impulses. I call this “raining on your kids.” Raining on your children is using hurtful words or behaviors in your interactions with them. One of your roles as a parent is to “catch” yourself when you’re not living with trust and respect – take a breather, re-group and come back with new words and behaviors.
If you experienced disrespect, mocking or lack of trust in your formative relationships, you might be in a process of expanding and developing your own style of communicating caring, trust and respect with your children. Perhaps even with your mate. Just by bringing your thoughts about trust and respect “front of mind” you are on the path to shifting your family and personal relationships in the direction of self-respect and respect for others. I applaud you for that. (You didn’t think The Family Coach Method was only about your children, did you? This is just one more example of Change You, Change Your Child.) Excerpted from The Family Coach Method, St. Lynn’s Press, 2009).
Lynne – I like that term. I recognise how my parents parented and try and avoid some of those ways however sometimes I have to control my mindset and change my thoughts consciously so I do it differently. The world has changed in parenting and the same rules don’t apply (not to be taken literally)